Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
It is interesting to see the differences in the manner of jubilation or despondency after a sporting event when observing it as a team sport or an individual sport. If a baseball team wins the World Series, they typically all gather together, jump up and down, hug each other, etc. – you can just feed off the excitement and the joy of watching this group of men celebrate a hard-fought victory. Conversely, the losing team is clearly dejected, but they can comfort each other and lift each other up.
In an individual sport like golf or tennis, there is no less delight for the victor, and there is no less sadness for the defeated. However, each is pretty much on his/her own. They may have some friends and family who will congratulate/console them, but there is really no one else who can truly understand what those feelings are like because the participants are the only ones competing.
What today’s verse encourages us to do is to come along side our brothers and sisters in Christ and rejoice with them in their victories and blessings and weep with and console them in their losses and pain. Rejoicing and celebrating is pretty easy – just have fun and help the person who has the reason to rejoice recognize they’ve accomplished something special, and let them know how good God is for allowing this blessing to occur.
Consoling and weeping, though, is not so simple. Whether it’s someone losing a sporting event or maybe it’s as awful as losing a loved one, it is hard to know how to respond because these emotions are somewhat more complicated in their roots. For example, someone you know loses a parent, but you then learn the relationship between this person and the parent was tumultuous – often very painful – the ramifications of that relationship when the parent was alive has had a profound impact on the person’s life. Now you’ve got the complications of unresolved family relationship emotions layered in with the emotions that come with the death of a loved one. What do you do?
For some people, helping someone in pain comes naturally – they’re hard-wired to be compassionate, or as a result of their faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit has given them this desire. The question remains, though, is how do you help? I attended a memorial service for an uncle of mine, and one of his friends made a great speech which included one of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard, “Never miss a chance to shut up”.
We often equate helping people with doing something – often out of a desire to help “fix” them or their problems. The motivation is often sincere, but the actual act of helping can come out very wrong – and sometimes hurtful. Comments like, “have you ever thought of this?” or “when I was hurting, this is what I did” or “you should do this and you’ll be fine”. In my personal suffering, even some of my closest friends have said things that I know they meant well but left me with a desire to lash back with a minimum of, “Are you kidding me? That’s your idea of help?”
Our verse today makes it very simple about how we should help those in pain – just weep with them. A friend of mine said to me once that the most meaningful thing anyone did for him when he was suffering the lost of a loved one is his friend sat down next to him, put his arm around him, and didn’t say a word.
It’s a wonderful thing to want to help those who are suffering – God bless you for that. When you get the next chance to console someone, be the arm of God and put yours around the person and let God be the comfort in silence – or as the Spirit – who is the Comforter – leads you.