Deuteronomy 24:16: “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin.”
For those of you who have had some experience with psychology or therapy, you know that many times when seeking to find the root of a destructive behavior, a painful event or series of events in one’s childhood is the source. This source is all the more damaging when it comes from one or both parents. Parents are supposed to be a safe place – a shelter of unconditional love, constructive discipline, and security. That’s the ideal environment, so for those of you lucky enough to have experienced such a childhood, consider yourself richly blessed.
Because we are all flawed, we weave our flaws into our relationships. Those flaws are most damaging in the early years of a child. The temptation, though, for the adult suffering under the painful experiences of a childhood is to surrender to these memories and live a life as a victim. For those who do this, they are in effect playing the blame game. They choose to submit to their childhood damages and, therefore, take no accountability for their own behavior.
Today’s verse speaks to the issue of accountability in God’s eyes. Since the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23), you can substitute the message in today’s verse that a child shall not be guilty of the sins of the parent nor shall a parent be guilty for the sins of his child. To be fair, the sins of a parent do indeed do damage – sometimes serious damage – to a child. However, once a child reaches an age of accountability, then he/she is on the hook for their own behavior and sins. This may sound harsh but consider a couple of important truths.
First, for a parent to inflict his/her painful flaws on a child, the parent is doing these things out of his/her own pain. They’re merely carrying forward the damages of their own childhood and passing them down to the next generation. This is in no way meant to be a justification for their behavior, but simply a plain truth. This opens the door for the possibility of looking upon them with pity rather than hatred and bitterness. From that mindset, forgiveness becomes a possibility.
The second and far more important truth is regardless if it is the parent or the child, God’s healing power is greater than any childhood damage. Jesus is the Master of taking human suffering and healing, restoring, and growing. However, He cannot do anything unless you take ownership of your own sin. While He is certainly sympathetic of your childhood hurts, which were not your fault, He wants you to turn your focus on Him and let Him bring lasting healing.
Blaming your parents for your shortfalls as a human does not solve them. You are accountable to God for your own actions. Therefore, there is futility in your blame. You can choose to live an oppressed life as a victim, or you can choose to seek the One you are accountable to, and He will faithfully and lovingly give you a life of hope as a victor. What’s your choice?